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Eliza Lynn Taylor

Eliza Lynn Taylor
Eliza Lynn Taylor Freelance Writer

Friday, February 21, 2014

Fried Chicken

I heard the daily trivia question on an afternoon radio show asking what was one of the manly scent candles that rated in the top three. It reminded me of a humor piece I wrote a few years ago that I posted on Gather.com. Now for those of you who try to go to Gather, for some reason it isn't working on Firefox (which I use) but it does on Chrome (another one I use). I don't know if it works on Internet Explorer because every time I open it, my computer locks up and it does not matter which computer I use, so it's not a computer thing. At any rate, the piece was met with appreciative chuckles, so I thought I would re-run it here.

Fried Chicken


The other morning I had a very early appointment and I decided I would make a quick run by the grocery store for a few things afterwards.  The minute I opened the car door I was overtaken by the delightful and unmistakable scent of fried chicken.  I nearly forgot what it was I went to the store to get.  I went inside and somehow ended up at the deli counter.  The manager looked up at me expectantly.

“Isn’t it a little early for…”  I inhaled deeply and a dreamlike expression came over my face as I breathed out, ‘Fried Chicken?”  It was eight forty-five in the morning after all.
He laughed, of course, and asked if I’d like to buy some.  Of course I wanted to buy some, I wanted to buy it all and it must have been the equivalent of about three chickens.

Anyone who knows me knows I am from the Deep South.  Some odd twist fate has me living in Wisconsin.  I look for anything that reminds me of home.  Fried chicken should remind any true, died-in-the-wool southerner of home.  I remember walking home from Sunday morning church services and smelling the apple pies cooling by the windows and chicken frying for dinner.  God bless her, my mother can not fry chicken to save her life.  It’s almost un-American not to be able to do a good job frying chicken, but she, like many others with the same malady, is as patriotic as they come.  She just hasn’t got the patience for frying chicken.  She says it comes from having to come home from work and then make dinner for a large family in a short amount of time.  Until I was seven and went to Kentucky Fried Chicken for the first time I thought it was supposed to be black.  I almost wouldn’t eat it because I thought it was under-cooked!  After that first tasty bite it was difficult to get me to eat hers again.  And then years later she finally spills it- the truth behind the chicken.  She doesn’t like fried chicken.  Shock!!!  I wanted to take away her NASCAR memorabilia.  That’s just wrong. 
   
I have some ideas, however, for products involving the oh-so-tempting scent of fried chicken.  Everyone knows the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  Well, the way to his stomach is through his nose.  If it doesn’t smell good, he’s not going to touch it.  Therefore all you single, but desperately seeking a husband, females out there, you need Parfum de Poulet Frit  (Fried Chicken Perfume.)  A little behind your ears and he’s yours for life.  Of course it might work a little too well and then you’ll just have to pick the one you like the best.   (Snicker, snicker) Then of course we have one for the Glade Company; you know, the ones who make all those scented candles.  There are all sorts of scents out there, not necessarily made by Glade.  I have seen (and smelled) French Vanilla, Pumpkin Pie Spice, Lavender, Gingerbread Cookie, Peppermint, and Fresh Apple Pie, just to name a few.  How about adding Fried Chicken scent to the mix?  Think about it…You want to impress someone with a great dinner but you just don’t have the time.  You go to the deli and pick up fried chicken with all the trimmings, an apple pie from the bakery, and then scented candles.  Go home, set the table, and place all the food into serving dishes (it would be tacky to use the deli containers- not to mention blow the illusion).  Get rid of the deli and bakery containers.  Light the candles- Fried Chicken Scent and Hot Apple Pie.  It fills the house with the scents of someone who has spent hours in the kitchen preparing a delicious meal.  They are extremely impressed with you and they never have to know the truth.  Works for me! 

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